Sunday, April 22, 2012


I wonder if you can be in a poly-fidelitous and not support gay marriage.  I think the very thought behind accepting gay marriage is that all people should have equal rights.  Well wouldn't all people include people in a poly-fidelitous relationship?  For that matter, wouldn't it include any grouping of people of people who wishes to commit themselves to each other "til death do us part."  

I think I should state here, I actually take marriage very seriously.  I think when you stand in front of your friends and family and make a commitment of "til death do us part" you should honor it.  I'm frankly kinda disgusted by people who marry then divorce, marry then divorce and then yet again marry and divorce.  THEN for those people to have the audacity to look down upon a man who says "I love both of my wives and will care for them."  

Well now, we shouldn't put this all on the man, let me say I love both of my spouses and will commit myself and my life to them "to love to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."  

A friend of mine is going through a pretty rough time right now.  His wife shortly after delivering their twins moved out.  Postpartum depression can be a real bitch sometimes.  A couple of weeks ago (my dates may not be exactly spot on) she delivered another baby by another man.  (She had been out of the house for more than a year give or take)  I adore this friend, I adore his family, I would love to hear stories about how wonderful and grand life is, but sometimes that just doesn't always happen.  Now a lot of people are telling him to end it.  To get a divorce.  He's just not there.  I get why they are saying that, but I think that when you make a commitment you should honor it.  Right? 

That's suppose to be a security that marriage gives you.  Otherwise it is just like dating.  Why even bothered to get married.  At least change your vows to say "until I feel like it is too hard and I want to walk away."  Let's be honest. Let's take a look at Rush Limbaugh.  On his 4th marriage, the longest lasting 10 years.  Why should he get to be married four times but I can't marry once?  I know a former co-worker who has been married three times yet she looks down upon me for my choices.  REALLY?  Well who the fuck is she?!

Good things in life tend never to be very easy to achieve.  I'm working hard for my marriage (yep that's what I called it).  I'm working hard to do the inter-personal work I need to do to be a good partner, to make it last, to learn that when I'm told I'm loved they really mean it.  Not only do they really mean it, but they also believe in forever.  

I just wish I'd have a chance to have that legally documented.  


  1. Some people are idiots. They don't like that people engage in activities/practices they don't agree with. I don't agree with the type of marriage you have chosen but in that same breath Its more of I wouldn't chose this for myself. And just because I wouldn't choose this for myself I don't judge,discriminate or assume your insecure or has mental problem etc. Some people are incapable of imaging, accepting and sometimes understanding a lifestyle different from their own. Some people can't grasp that monogamy or the same thing doesn't work for everyone. Mainly I wanted to comment on the legality of your marriage. I understand some of society doesn't recognize marriage unless it is sanctioned by the law but you probably already know your married if your committed to that person(s) and no one should need a contract to tell the rest of society. Marriage is deeper than the law, and even though legitimatcy is desired its not necessary. My father isnt on my birth certificate and I don't share his last name but my half sibling from a previous marriage does and I never felt like I was less of his daughter than the others or needed legal recognition. All that mattered was the type of relationship we shared and how much he was a father to me throughout my life. And the same should go for you, your wife and your husband.

  2. Anon, I appreciate your openness and ability to say "just because it isn't for me doesn't mean I will judge." I love that compassion that some people such as yourself is able to have.

    You make a good point about the legality of marriage. I agree in logic. I think one of the challenges I have is overcoming the emotional side (which lucky only pops up occasionally) that thinks it matters.

    I appreciate your comments and support and wish you all the best!