Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving can mean many different things for many different people.  A lot of people spend the holiday with family.  Some spend it with no one.  I've done both in the past and this year I'm thankful.  I'm thankful for spending the holiday with those I love, those that love me, and friends old and new.  

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, I still hope you have a great day!

Monday, November 21, 2011

ABC Nightline and the Dargers!

I get all warm and fuzzy when I see people sticking up for their beliefs!  Recently ABC Nightline aired a blip about the Dargers.  You can watch it on Hulu here.

The more people see that being poly doesn't mean you're a freak, the quicker we will gain acceptance!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Taking a big breath.

You can probably tell from my last blog that I'm struggling with dyad time.  I have a lot of insecurities.  Here's where I'd like to say so does everyone else in the world, but I can recognize that may not be the case.  Anywho...some of those insecurities have made dyad time difficult for me.

I went over to the Sisterwives site and emailed someone whom I believe has 20 years of experience and tons of knowledge and logic.  We chatted for about an hour and though she didn't tell me anything I didn't really already know, she did give me the confidence in knowing that we are on a good path.  She was very generous to take time out of her life to chat with me and I definitely appreciate it.  Are we perfect?  Of course not.  Is this life choice the easiest one to make?  Heck no.  Is it totally worth it?  Heck YES!

There are a lot of things to consider when taking dyad time.  Does the wife feel confident that her husband still loves her and wants her and desires her?  Does the second wife feel confident in knowing that she is loved, not second by any matter of the heart and that she is also wanted and desired?  One of the things that this person recommended was A. and I going out on a date together.  Sure we go to lunch, we run errands together, but an actual date.  I like the idea and am hoping to soon do just that.  Our husband R. does his best to make sure we both know he loves us too.

It's not all about sexy time either.  Casual touches, drive by kisses, heart pongs (  <3  in a chat window), or other little things to let each other know we love each other and that we want each other.  I'm hoping in time to be able to share how we worked through the struggles of dyad time because it is important, especially since A. and I are always home so we can't just get private time when someone else is gone.

We are trial and error here.  It's not like there are great role models to look up to.  Again, that is the main purpose of this blog.  I'm trying to be as open as possible about what it is like in a poly marriage.  Oh speaking of marriage, I have some things to write about that too, but that's for another post!  ;-)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Let it begin again.

Here is a downer about a poly relationship:  Sometimes you have to fake it.  Sometimes even when you feel hurt by your partners you have to put your walls up and pretend you don't give a fuck.  Supposedly if you pretend like you don't give a fuck long enough it will really happen and you won't give a fuck.  Isn't that funny.

Update 05/26/2015:  Oh the poor girl writing this post had NO idea how fighting worked or how to communicate her emotions. She also hadn't fully grasped what unconditional love really meant. I'm thankful I'm no longer in this place. Communication, even tough topics, is so much easier now because we've all seen first hand its benefits.

Family.

I'm not the typical TV watcher who will watch a show while it is live.  I completely dislike commercials.  I love Netflix and even though they have made some changes I'm not 100% thrilled with, I still like them.  Anywho, recently it recommend the TV Show Parenthood to me.  There are a few actors and actresses that I like so I decided to check it out.  I sorta instantly dug it and within two weeks I watched the first two seasons.  Luckily it is not cancelled, at least not yet.  (I tend to love shows that get cancelled leaving horrible endings like Jeremiah and Jericho)

The family (in Parenthood that is) is pretty close even when times are tough.  One of the things I love is how they come together around music.  There is a part of me that wishes my family was like that.  Tonight we were (are, still at the moment, (I'm the DJ)) jamming out to music and I had this feeling that "Hey, my family is like that."

I think family is what you make it.  I can spend my time feeling like I'm left out or less than or second, or I can spend my time realizing that this is my family.  Whether I have been here physically for the last twenty years really doesn't matter.   I'm loved by N., Anne's and R's son, I'm dearly loved by Anne and R., and I'm slowly but surely finding my way here.

Earlier tonight we had some friends over.  When they were departing "he" asked "her" to go to the car for a second because he had a question to ask us.  "He" wanted to know our opinion of "her" and wanted to know a Christmas suggestion.  I think we were all touched.  First off, we totally adore "her".  They are a great fit.  It was also touching to recognize that our opinion mattered.  I wish the two of them nothing but the best.  

Life isn't always perfect, but right now, it is pretty damn good and I'm okay with that!   :-)