Friday, November 11, 2011

Taking a big breath.

You can probably tell from my last blog that I'm struggling with dyad time.  I have a lot of insecurities.  Here's where I'd like to say so does everyone else in the world, but I can recognize that may not be the case.  Anywho...some of those insecurities have made dyad time difficult for me.

I went over to the Sisterwives site and emailed someone whom I believe has 20 years of experience and tons of knowledge and logic.  We chatted for about an hour and though she didn't tell me anything I didn't really already know, she did give me the confidence in knowing that we are on a good path.  She was very generous to take time out of her life to chat with me and I definitely appreciate it.  Are we perfect?  Of course not.  Is this life choice the easiest one to make?  Heck no.  Is it totally worth it?  Heck YES!

There are a lot of things to consider when taking dyad time.  Does the wife feel confident that her husband still loves her and wants her and desires her?  Does the second wife feel confident in knowing that she is loved, not second by any matter of the heart and that she is also wanted and desired?  One of the things that this person recommended was A. and I going out on a date together.  Sure we go to lunch, we run errands together, but an actual date.  I like the idea and am hoping to soon do just that.  Our husband R. does his best to make sure we both know he loves us too.

It's not all about sexy time either.  Casual touches, drive by kisses, heart pongs (  <3  in a chat window), or other little things to let each other know we love each other and that we want each other.  I'm hoping in time to be able to share how we worked through the struggles of dyad time because it is important, especially since A. and I are always home so we can't just get private time when someone else is gone.

We are trial and error here.  It's not like there are great role models to look up to.  Again, that is the main purpose of this blog.  I'm trying to be as open as possible about what it is like in a poly marriage.  Oh speaking of marriage, I have some things to write about that too, but that's for another post!  ;-)

4 comments:

  1. Will,

    I did respond to your other comment, but I'm not sure you are getting notified of that.

    Dyad time (as we refer to it) is when two of the three people take alone time together. This could be doing anything you want to do - having sex, just cuddling, talking, going to the movies or whatever the two people feel like doing. Both A. and I are bisexual, so her and I take time together as well.

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  2. Thank you I understood what it was I was just trying to figure out the exact words for those letters.....DYAD.

    Wife and our GF have their special time as well as my time with each. In our situation GF is living with her youngest child and can not stay with us as much as we three would like. Therefore my ladies get lots of DYAD time and we have little triad time.

    Things will get better though as this teenage child gets a life of her own. Yes she knows about her Momma and how she used to refer to us as "Bad People".

    Long story but I am sure same issues as other triads.

    Have a good day.

    P.S. No I did not get the other post but thank you anyway.

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  3. Will,

    I don't think the word "Dyad" breaks down to anything. As three we are a triad, as two we are a dyad.

    I would imagine being poly with young children might be difficult unless they were born in it. My two partners have a son, but he is 18. Since they have always raised him with an open mind, my joining the relationship, family and house wasn't a big deal to him. He and I get along great and I feel very fortunate for that.

    Have you ever been over the Sisterwives site? They may have some posts up about dealing with children and being poly.

    At the end of the day, I think each relationship is unique in their own right and what works for one won't necessarily work for another. It's nice to at last have people to bounce stuff off of that understand the meaning of poly hearts.

    Best of luck to you and yours!

    -A-

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