Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Let it begin again.

Here is a downer about a poly relationship:  Sometimes you have to fake it.  Sometimes even when you feel hurt by your partners you have to put your walls up and pretend you don't give a fuck.  Supposedly if you pretend like you don't give a fuck long enough it will really happen and you won't give a fuck.  Isn't that funny.

Update 05/26/2015:  Oh the poor girl writing this post had NO idea how fighting worked or how to communicate her emotions. She also hadn't fully grasped what unconditional love really meant. I'm thankful I'm no longer in this place. Communication, even tough topics, is so much easier now because we've all seen first hand its benefits.


  1. No you don't sometimes have to 'fake' it, anymore than sometimes it is ok to lie, cheat or steal, in any sort of relationship. It is a choice you make. Whether that choice temporarily eases some conflict, conflict always returns unless and issue is dealt with through open, honest communication. I don't believe in 'onetrueway' mantra's but I do believe that open and honest communication was the corner stone of the Polyamory movement, anything else is a corruption of other relationship models and enabling techniques that may work for you, but are not the most healthy way.

  2. Natja, you are totally right now about not faking it. Certainly not on a long term front. My partners know I struggle with the "dyad time" thing we are doing. I struggle even when it's my night to be with him or my time to be with her (as that is now scheduled too to it feels the same to her).

    There are times when I resent the dyad time. I have to fight hard not to resent the people.

    The theory of faking it is the old addage of: put a smile on your face even when you are sad and eventually even you will believe the smile.

    I want so much not to be bothered by it, to be totally cool with it. I am just waiting for that day to happen.

  3. Oh Ayonfe, I am sorry :o((

    I just don't believe it ever does because I think women unhappy women in relationships have been doing it since time immemorial. Have you thought about suggesting that 'date night' thing? I think A LOT of this pain has to do with the sexualising of the dyad time and the fact it is at home. It needs to be corrected Ayonfe, because just because A feels she 'needs' this right now, does not mean it should be at your personal expense. A compromise has to be reached, even if it means 'dyad' time, cost more or occurs less frequently so it can scheduled when you want to do a specific thing. I have said it before and I will say it till the cows come home. It is not a tenable situation, when you can accept that you may be able to do something about it.