Friday, May 13, 2011

Coming out

For awhile now I've kept two "normal" blog and one poly I came out on my "normal" blog.  I thought I'd share what I said:

I have a secret, that I’m no longer willing to keep a secret and I’m willing to “pay” whatever consequences I need to pay in order to say what I have to say.   To some this is no shock, to others, it may be a shock and if so I apologize.  First, I’m bi-sexual.  I’ve never really shouted that from a roof top or “came out” because I didn’t think my sexual preferences were relevant to general topic of conversations.  I slept with the first woman when I was 19, I entered a loving relationship with a woman a little over a year ago.  Second, I was just married (yes, I say married) to two (yep, that’s right two) loving people.   A marriage is not a piece of paper.  It is a commitment of hearts that say - I will be there for you, with you, until the end, backs against each other swords drawn to the world.  

Why is it that as a society we accept a man who is married, with X number of children, works late and cheats on his wife (or the other way around)?  Why is it as a society we accept a man who marries and divorces X number of times?  Why is it as a society we can’t accept people who say “I love you, I will be there for you”, if it is more than two people making that commitment?  Why should I have to “hide” in fear of prosecution.  Not all poly marriages are dirty old men with 15 underage wives.  

I’ve included my personal vows to show where I stand and how I feel.  But before you read them I want to say this:  I respect whatever belief system you hold dear to your heart.  If you are reading this then chances are you are a friend or a loved one which means to me - you could love a giant purple monkey and if that giant purple monkey made you happy, then I am happy for you.  At the end of the day - don’t we all want happiness and love for the people we love and care about?

Here are my personal vows:  
I need not the law to make this wedding real.  I stand here today in front of everyone and my higher power and commit myself to you both, to give of myself; my heart, my soul, my life in a partnership that is for better or worse, in sickness and in health....THAT is the definition of a marriage.  That is what is real and to me it is all that matters.  

You have both shown me support and strength when mine own has failed me.  In return I offer you the same.   I promise to encourage and inspire both of you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. We may fight, no, we will fight, but I take security in knowing that at the end of the day there is no one else and no place else I’d rather be....with the two of you, in our home, facing whatever challenges and joys life may lay in front of us.


  1. "A marriage is not a piece of paper. It is a commitment of hearts that say - I will be there for you, with you, until the end, backs against each other swords drawn to the world." Soo beautiful! I think my sword might have been pointing the wrong way lately :(. Thanks for the reminder.

  2. We can use reminders now and then. Everyday I remind myself (or try to) just how lucky I am and even though I/we face challenges a mono couple doesn't have to face, I know I'm far more fortunate in other ways too.