Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Settling in...

Sometimes life is like riding a rollercoaster.  You take the good with the bad.
The good - She and he asked me to spend the rest of my life with them.  I think it was the single most happiest moment in my life in the last ten years for certain.  Never in my life have I felt more loved.  I know I'm wanted.  I know I've found home - and I don't just mean four walls and a roof.

The bad - I can't really shout it from any rooftop.  Secrets.  Secrets kind of suck.

I just got engaged and could not be more happier about it but can't share it with the people I care about it.
There is admittedly a part of me that wants to just shout it from the rooftops anyway and if you don't care enough about me to be happy about it then I guess you weren't really my friend anyway, but then anyone who knows anything about choosing a poly lifestyle (which really isn't me) knows that you can't really do that.  Life just isn't that simple.

There are other things as well.  You have this idea of how things will be.  You know (if you have half a brain at least) that it won't be all peaches and cream, but you think things will go this way or that way.  The reality has been different that how I thought it would be.  Different is necessarily bad, but it's different.

A. and I have had two notable arguments.  One of them was pretty bad.  The beauty of it was even in the heat of the argument I knew she still loved me, still wanted me, and still wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.  I also I knew I felt the same exact way about her.  It was difficult dealing with my emotions.  I'm in a strange city, missing a dear friend (who passed away in August) whom I long to be able to talk to, so trying to work through a variety of emotions was a little difficult and didn't help the argument.  I'm glad it's over and since then we've done alright.

Things I thought we may have issues over we have not had issues over and things I didn't even think about - I have now had to think about to either make sure they don't become an issue, or to work through them for one reason or another.

With all of that said, I'm one loved, happy girl.  I feel like I belong, like I'm wanted, needed, loved, liked, and enjoyed.  I'm cared for and I enjoy caring for others.  I struggle with some things and we have things to still work on and get through but I have no doubt in my mind we will work through them.

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