Wednesday, December 15, 2010

He arrives tonight!!!!!

As he said, "Hold on baby, the cavalry is coming."  It is exactly how I feel.  I'm sick.  I have bronchitis.  I wore myself down trying to get everything done, I knew this would happen.  I'm thankful he will be here tonight to help me through the next few days.  I'm even more thankful that She is so understanding and loving.  I could not have done these last couple of months without her.  Without either of them, but definitely not without her.  I can't wait until the three of us are together!  I miss them both so much!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Coming closer.....

The time is coming closer.  In just two days He will be here.  I can't wait.  I have forgotten what he smells like.  The softness of his curls.  Luckily I can still remember Her smell.  She was here more recently.  Hmmmm, maybe I have a thing for smells?  Him coming in some way signifies the beginning of the end for me.  The end of this chapter in New York and the beginning of my new chapter in Arizona.  I am finally correcting a mistake a made when I was 15.  (That's not for this blog, but needed to be said)  I wish She was with us and that it was the three of us traveling back.  At the same time, I like the thought of coming home to her.  [Insert perverted sexual thoughts here]  I want a full day to lay naked in bed, just the three of us.  I don't even mean sex necessarily (though uh...well, you know).....but I just want to feel their bodies against mine, mine against theirs.  Her soft skin, his fuzzy chest.  Okay, Okay, I'm stopping.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

One of many to come.

You may find that over the next eleven days or so I end up blogging a lot, because a lot is going on.  Not just within our relationship, but I'm also wrapping up a final semester, a full-time job, saying goodbye to friends, and from afar trying to participate in the setting up of our new home.  OH yeah, they just moved into our new home last Thursday.  So like I said, there is a lot going on.  ON that note....  right now (well, always), being this far away sucks.  They are tired and hurting and I am not there.  They are arranging furniture and belongings and I'm not there, not me or my belongings and it all just sucks.  I want to be there.  I feel like I'm missing out on the beginning of "our" chapter together.

Complete side note:  There is a group site I've found myself going to a lot lately and recently I struck up a conversation with one of the women there.  She's been in a long term relationship, which I enjoyed hearing about.  We talked about a variety of things, but one of the things we talked about whether or not He and I should sleep together while he is here helping me move there and She is waiting for us there.  Her and I have had alone time.  He and I have not.  The three of us have had time together.  I've really been thinking about what the girl from the group had said.  Am I somehow leaving Her out by sleeping with Him while we are here and she is there?  She had wanted to initially be somewhat apart of that first time and things just didn't work out that way, but I respect Her and love her deeply and ultimately would not want to hurt her feelings.  Yeah, Yeah, I know I just said in the last post that it will happen, but when you can avoid it you know, I think you should.

My mind is racing from clean the cat box, empty the fish tank, did I do this or that, boy I can't wait til I'm there, man I'm going to hate saying goodbye, I should be doing homework, it's cold in here, the dogs prolly need to go out, they aren't even my dogs, my desk is too small, I am not so sure I like this blue after all, i prefer hardwood floors, I should pack my shoes, I miss him, I miss her, I love the smell of her hair  *big breath*   Do you see?

So it skips to the beginning and back again.

I have wanted to leave this state and adventure out.  Try something new.  Complete college in another state.  I had narrowed it down to three states.  One state was instantly ruled out because they didn't have the program I wanted.  Another while still an option wasn't looking all super bright and then there was Arizona.  I felt like when I said Arizona the sky would light up.  Maybe it's because of the bright sun?  haha.....  

One day I'm on an OKCupid forum and I read a post I thought was witty.  I click on the profile and here is what I noticed:  He's standing next to an upright bass  (Yes the bass is the first thing I noticed).  He is lives in AZ (OMG you have got to be kidding me).  He's poly (Oh how great is that?!)  I at the time was in a dwindling fast poly relationship not "out" to anyone in my "real" life and was starving for someone to talk to about it, AZ, and his bass.   *smiles*

So that my friends is how it all began.  I sent an email, I don't even remember what it said at this point, he replied, and it went from there.  I knew he was married, he was honest from the start (and it said so in his profile).  I loved then and still love now, that he loves he so.  Shoot, just gave myself warm fuzzies writing that.  It makes me love each of them to see the love they have for each other.  Okay, Okay, I'm getting side tracked....    So then I met and sparks flew too.  Ha, Unicorns really do exist!  She is amazing.  He is amazing.

So now, here we are....   In eleven days I am moving from here to there.  I'm moving in with the people I love.  With the people who have shown me unconditional love in its truest form.  No, we're not perfect.  Yes, there will be problems.  Jealously?  Sure.  Hurt feelings?  Probably.  Here is the one thing that feels absolutely right to me.....    I am for once in my life doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing, exactly when I am suppose to be doing it, with exactly the right people.  To know that, amongst all the other feelings I'm feeling right now (that's another blog or ten but not really related to being poly) tells me we have a really good shot here of making the long haul.

I could not have made this move three years ago when I first wanted to.  I can make it now.  I can make it now without them, but I thank my lucky stars every single day that I am making it with them.