Thursday, August 7, 2014

Love good questions!

Randy recently had to have a routine procedure.   While he was in recovery the doctor came in to report his findings and started the conversation by asking who Anne and I were.  Anne said "We are his wives."  The doctor said "Excuse me, what?"  So that starts the typical process.  Anne leaves the initial explaining up to me because I have it down, or so she says.  I'm pretty straight forward about it.  I identify us as a poly-fi triad basically explaining that we are just like a monogamous couple but there are three of us.  I love her and him.  He loves the two of us.  She loves me and him.  It's pretty simply when you get right down it. 

A lot of people at this point will typically leave it at that.  A common response is "Oh, interesting."  Sometimes people will ask more questions.  Usually from the guys it tends to hint towards something sexual and for the women who will ask it tends to lean towards jealously and wondering how two women can share one man. 

This doctor went beyond that and asked really good questions.  He genuinely seemed interested in learning about our relationship structure. He said we are the first he has ever encountered.  LOL.  We are indeed a special breed I do suppose!  He asked what our biggest problem was.  Simple.  Communication.  (Thank you Google Calendar and Hangouts for helping us there!)  What happens if two of you split up? For us that is also simple, we'd still all be under one roof, but we don't see that happening! 

At the end of the conversation he congratulated us on seeming happy and wished us well.  It was beautiful.  I LOVE answering questions.  Most of the time if asked in a non crude way I'll even answer personal questions.  I firmly believe that knowledge is power and in sharing our lives with others we educate and hopefully make alternative types of love not so scary and more accepted!

Is there anything you've been wanting to ask?  Ask away!!  I'll do my best to answer. 

Friday, April 4, 2014

Coming out at work

I hold few firm beliefs in my life.  While I think there is a part of me that yearns for a black and white world, I also thrive in the gray.  Here is one firm belief I have:  Your sexual preference has NO bearing on how well a person can do a given job.

So with that firm belief I never really felt it necessary to "come out" at work.  What am I coming out about exactly?  How does that affect my job?  Even before entering the world of poly I never really spoke about my sexual preferences at work.  Did you?  Do you?  Do you have co-workers that do??  I once had a co-worker tell me about a "wet dream" she was having about our Vice President.  I couldn't look him in the face for at least 3 months without thinking about him bending her over ya da ya da and it wasn't even my fantasy.

I had formed a friendship with a co-worker who ended up leaving the company on bad terms and forced me into a position of doing my job or protecting him.  I did my job.  He threatened to tell our bosses that I was a bi-sexual in a poly-fi triad.

Since, I like to address things head on I beat him to the punch. I called my immediate person of contact and explained to her basically what I said above. She was really the easy one to tell.  Closer to my age.  Female. (No offense to the men, but something about telling them my sexual preferences seemed even weirder to me) Can you guess the reaction?  The owner of the company, her father, called me and told me that my work has always been spot on and that my sexual preference has absolutely no ability to do my job.  The Vice President echoed the same thing.

I am no longer working, but not because of that company, just my health.  I was fortunate to have their support and wish for everyone else it was the same.  Whether triad or not.

In other nice being out at work news, my husband started a new job last August.  He heard of and got the job through a social circle in which people already knew of his marital status.  It's progress folks.  It may be small and there may be a super long way to go, but it is progress.



Thursday, October 17, 2013

Where to take this blog?

I started this blog with the intention of providing a straight forward glimpse into our world.  Early on when things were a little rockier I was as blunt and transparent as I felt I could be.  There were times when a blog post provoked a conversation in our house but that usually ended up being a good thing.  I had complete permission from both of my partners to write what I wanted to write in the blog.  

Then life happens.  I got sick.  Then I got a little better, but then I backslid.  It's hard to blog about being sick.  I don't really talk about being sick on Facebook.  I don't really talk about it with family or friends.  The only people that know how sick I've been are the people in my immediate world.  The people that have had plans changed at a moments notice.  The people that have seen me wrench and curl in pain, vomit until there was nothing left, then vomit some more.  These people, my partners, and a few select friends have seen me through some very dark moments.  I don't know how to blog during those moments.  I don't know how to put on a face so I haven't been blogging.

One thing is for sure.  Illness either brings a family together or it tears them apart.  Lucky for me and mine,  it brought us closer together.  We were fortunate to be strong beforehand.  Even through that first year of bumps I knew deep down these were my peeps.  The loved they showed me was unlike any other I have ever experienced.  It was truly unconditional and still is today. We are also fortunate that we have pretty darn good communication skills and have no problems laughing at ourselves. 

So, back to that original question.  Where to take this blog?  Friday, October 18th will mark my last day working in the professional capacity in which I was trained.  I can't do my job anymore.  I could be sad and maybe even mad about that but what point would that serve? Anger only hurts me and the people I love.  Instead I am going to try to focus on the things I do enjoy.  This blog being one of them. It is my hope to soon come out with a LONG update blog.  

Until then...

Monday, July 2, 2012

When both wives are sick

Boy oh boy have we had an interesting week here a couple of weeks ago.  On Monday Randy came down with a bug of some sort.  First time he's thrown up in 18 years.  By Tuesday night I had it.  Annie being the loving awesome wife that she is stayed up with me every time I got up to throw up.  She was there with more puke bags (I don't do cans or toilets) and fresh water and wash cloths.  Finally around 5am I knew I need to seek help.  I was throwing up so hard I couldn't catch my breath.  Randy got up to take me.  Poor Annie had been up all night with me, really needed sleep and I was pushing the bounds of her vomit meter.  That's certainly a benefit of more than one partner, lol.  I ended up being admitted into the hospital because I was so dehydrated my heart rate was in the 130s and the ER doctor didn't feel comfortable releasing me.  Then as we are somewhat getting me settled into a room Annie starts to get sick.

I felt so bad for her, I wasn't there, Randy wasn't there.  We were relying on our son to help her and he did of course.  That night once I got settled Randy went home and took care of Annie for a little while, then he showered and brought me back some things that I needed and stayed with me for a bit.  Then he went back to take care of Annie.  Luckily the hospital is pretty close to the house.

I admire him for being so thoughtful to both of us.  What do you do when both wives are sick and one is in the hospital?  Well, you do the best you can.  His selflessness reminds me every day why I love him so much.  Her selflessness in telling Randy to care for me is just one of the reasons I love her so much.

The bug went through everyone in the house with our son being the last to get it.  Hopefully that won't happen again any time soon.  It took five bags of IV fluids to make it so things were normal enough to be released.  Dehydration is definitely a problem I have.

Fast forward a couple of weeks we are all feeling better now, life is good, and I'm a grateful girl.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I'm not sleeping well.

Every morning I wake up and am pretty much ready to go right back to bed.  More days than not I find I have to force myself to get up and get moving.  Today at my pain management doctor recommended and then ordered a sleep study.  *Sigh*  She went on to explain that good sleep helps with pain, Fibromyalgia,,, depression, and a list of other things.  A CPAP machine has also been shown to greatly reduce your risk of cancer.   I guess I'm not getting out it.  Both Anne and Randy have CPAP machines and they both rave about how much it has helped their sleep.  I however get a little freaked out about the thought of wearing a mask on my face every night.

Then of course, not just that, but I have to spend a night away to have the study done.  A small part of me says "Oh, how nice, a bed to myself", but the rest of me dreads the emotional angst that I'm feeling about me being alone for a night and Anne and Randy having some real time alone together.  Not to mention they will expect me to go to bed at 10pm.  REALLY????  10pm.  You've got to be kidding me.  I ask myself what is the worse that can happen??  They might have sex...okay, no big deal.  They might cuddle together....okay, no big deal.  They might talk to each other....Okay....can you see where I'm going here.  There is nothing they can do that is really a bid deal.  I love them, I want them to be happy in their own relationship with each other.  That includes cuddling, talking and having sex.  Right?  I struggle to understand why I have trouble with it.  I want to be like "please, have a great evening together and enjoy each other's company", but in reality I'm not quite able to say it.  Well, I can say it, it just doesn't sound quite how I want it too.  

I think in some ways I struggle with feeling like personal attention between Randy and I is strained and limited over my fear of how Anne will handle it.  In the past there have been a lot of times where it has not been handled well.  There has been some pretty noticeable improvement in this area, yet my fear seems to have not caught up with that.  I think I've gotten to a point where I'm gun shy about showing him too much affection.  I do feel like I'm able to show her affection without censoring how much or what kind in front of Randy.  He has just always handled things like this better.  

At the end of the day, we are all a work in progress here.  I, and to some degree Anne, come with some pretty heavy past baggage that at times weighs in on our current relationship, but it's okay.  We work though it together.  I still wouldn't trade the combined love I have with the both of them.  I feel like I get things from both of them that I wouldn't get from any one person.  The combined things make the struggles we do have worth it.  Plus they love me for me and well, that's just awesome!  <3






Friday, May 18, 2012

Sister wives blog

I've been really bad about blogging lately and for that I apologize.  I've been enjoying life to the best of given ability and spending time with my peeps.  Our life is going pretty smoothly these days.

Earlier today I was poking around the web and came across a Sister Wives blog.  From what I can tell at quick glance it's a site for people who wish to bash the Brown's.  Now I have no real comment in support of the Brown's, but I don't feel the need to bash them either.

I'm consistently blown away by how ignorant some people can be.  How we don't care about the divorce rate in our country but we do care about what other consenting adults want to do.

Anywho, I thought I'd share the blog in case anyone was interested.

http://sisterwivesblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/hln-dr-drew-3-wives-24-children-we-all.html#comment-form

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Marriage

I wonder if you can be in a poly-fidelitous and not support gay marriage.  I think the very thought behind accepting gay marriage is that all people should have equal rights.  Well wouldn't all people include people in a poly-fidelitous relationship?  For that matter, wouldn't it include any grouping of people of people who wishes to commit themselves to each other "til death do us part."  

I think I should state here, I actually take marriage very seriously.  I think when you stand in front of your friends and family and make a commitment of "til death do us part" you should honor it.  I'm frankly kinda disgusted by people who marry then divorce, marry then divorce and then yet again marry and divorce.  THEN for those people to have the audacity to look down upon a man who says "I love both of my wives and will care for them."  


Well now, we shouldn't put this all on the man, let me say I love both of my spouses and will commit myself and my life to them "to love to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."  

A friend of mine is going through a pretty rough time right now.  His wife shortly after delivering their twins moved out.  Postpartum depression can be a real bitch sometimes.  A couple of weeks ago (my dates may not be exactly spot on) she delivered another baby by another man.  (She had been out of the house for more than a year give or take)  I adore this friend, I adore his family, I would love to hear stories about how wonderful and grand life is, but sometimes that just doesn't always happen.  Now a lot of people are telling him to end it.  To get a divorce.  He's just not there.  I get why they are saying that, but I think that when you make a commitment you should honor it.  Right? 


That's suppose to be a security that marriage gives you.  Otherwise it is just like dating.  Why even bothered to get married.  At least change your vows to say "until I feel like it is too hard and I want to walk away."  Let's be honest. Let's take a look at Rush Limbaugh.  On his 4th marriage, the longest lasting 10 years.  Why should he get to be married four times but I can't marry once?  I know a former co-worker who has been married three times yet she looks down upon me for my choices.  REALLY?  Well who the fuck is she?!


Good things in life tend never to be very easy to achieve.  I'm working hard for my marriage (yep that's what I called it).  I'm working hard to do the inter-personal work I need to do to be a good partner, to make it last, to learn that when I'm told I'm loved they really mean it.  Not only do they really mean it, but they also believe in forever.  


I just wish I'd have a chance to have that legally documented.