Where have you been??

Blogging is such a wonderful idea to me.  I do it because I want to share my experience with others.  I want to maybe be the voice that says "Hey, I know what you're going through."  I want to gain understanding, tips, tricks and ideas from others as well.  I had such lofty intentions when I started blogging.  I was going to blog everyday.  I was going to talk about the stuff that no one wants to talk about.  Yeah.  About that.

I seem to have no problem blogging about my relationship, but talking about my health?  Well, not so much.  It's been one hell of a past few months and I'm going to do my best to fill you in without boring you in the process.  Health and life have a funny way of making some things seem impossible to do...like blogging.

As a previous blog stated, I ended up in the hospital in June from the flu.  After I got out things seemed to get slowly better, but then they declined again. For two months I was constantly nauseated.  Ultimately I had my gallbladder removed on October 12th.  I went to the ER the week before and the doctor there told me I had a kidney infection and that I may have something else going on, but he was sure it was not my gallbladder.  OH I can't tell you how I'd like to "correct" him.  The surgery (which these days is usually completely laparoscopic) ended up being an open incision.  The recovery has been long and slow given other health complications, but I'm slowly and surely returning to my "normal" state.

I've been browsing around looking for that group where I felt like I belonged.  A place where there were other people in the same type of relationship that I'm in, going through some of the same things, having to answer some of the same questions etc...  I was beginning to think it doesn't exist.  I recently had an unfortunate experience on a Facebook poly group. I joined, I was open and honest, and the feedback I got wasn't so positive.  Yes, they are poly people...however they are poly for very different reasons and believe in things like "Headships".  While I have no disrespect for what others believe, here in my house, we believe in equality.  We discuss things and come to a decision together.  So there is no real headship.

From that experience I've come upon two other groups.  One in particular I'm really enjoying my time on.  We have discussions about things like sheets and health insurance.  That's what I'm looking for.  I think all poly people need to come together for achieving a common goal, but I think it helps to have a group of people who "get it".

In summary, I'm back.  I'm really going to try to blog more this year.  I can't guarantee that every single blog will be only about poly related things, it might be about food, health, and knitting too, but I hope it will still be worth reading.

When both wives are sick

Boy oh boy have we had an interesting week here a couple of weeks ago.  On Monday Randy came down with a bug of some sort.  First time he's thrown up in 18 years.  By Tuesday night I had it.  Annie being the loving awesome wife that she is stayed up with me every time I got up to throw up.  She was there with more puke bags (I don't do cans or toilets) and fresh water and wash cloths.  Finally around 5am I knew I need to seek help.  I was throwing up so hard I couldn't catch my breath.  Randy got up to take me.  Poor Annie had been up all night with me, really needed sleep and I was pushing the bounds of her vomit meter.  That's certainly a benefit of more than one partner, lol.  I ended up being admitted into the hospital because I was so dehydrated my heart rate was in the 130s and the ER doctor didn't feel comfortable releasing me.  Then as we are somewhat getting me settled into a room Annie starts to get sick.

I felt so bad for her, I wasn't there, Randy wasn't there.  We were relying on our son to help her and he did of course.  That night once I got settled Randy went home and took care of Annie for a little while, then he showered and brought me back some things that I needed and stayed with me for a bit.  Then he went back to take care of Annie.  Luckily the hospital is pretty close to the house.

I admire him for being so thoughtful to both of us.  What do you do when both wives are sick and one is in the hospital?  Well, you do the best you can.  His selflessness reminds me every day why I love him so much.  Her selflessness in telling Randy to care for me is just one of the reasons I love her so much.

The bug went through everyone in the house with our son being the last to get it.  Hopefully that won't happen again any time soon.  It took five bags of IV fluids to make it so things were normal enough to be released.  Dehydration is definitely a problem I have.

Fast forward a couple of weeks we are all feeling better now, life is good, and I'm a grateful girl.

I'm not sleeping well.

Every morning I wake up and am pretty much ready to go right back to bed.  More days than not I find I have to force myself to get up and get moving.  Today at my pain management doctor recommended and then ordered a sleep study.  *Sigh*  She went on to explain that good sleep helps with pain, Fibromyalgia,,, depression, and a list of other things.  A CPAP machine has also been shown to greatly reduce your risk of cancer.   I guess I'm not getting out it.  Both Anne and Randy have CPAP machines and they both rave about how much it has helped their sleep.  I however get a little freaked out about the thought of wearing a mask on my face every night.

Then of course, not just that, but I have to spend a night away to have the study done.  A small part of me says "Oh, how nice, a bed to myself", but the rest of me dreads the emotional angst that I'm feeling about me being alone for a night and Anne and Randy having some real time alone together.  Not to mention they will expect me to go to bed at 10pm.  REALLY????  10pm.  You've got to be kidding me.  I ask myself what is the worse that can happen??  They might have sex...okay, no big deal.  They might cuddle together....okay, no big deal.  They might talk to each other....Okay....can you see where I'm going here.  There is nothing they can do that is really a bid deal.  I love them, I want them to be happy in their own relationship with each other.  That includes cuddling, talking and having sex.  Right?  I struggle to understand why I have trouble with it.  I want to be like "please, have a great evening together and enjoy each other's company", but in reality I'm not quite able to say it.  Well, I can say it, it just doesn't sound quite how I want it too.  

I think in some ways I struggle with feeling like personal attention between Randy and I is strained and limited over my fear of how Anne will handle it.  In the past there have been a lot of times where it has not been handled well.  There has been some pretty noticeable improvement in this area, yet my fear seems to have not caught up with that.  I think I've gotten to a point where I'm gun shy about showing him too much affection.  I do feel like I'm able to show her affection without censoring how much or what kind in front of Randy.  He has just always handled things like this better.  

At the end of the day, we are all a work in progress here.  I, and to some degree Anne, come with some pretty heavy past baggage that at times weighs in on our current relationship, but it's okay.  We work though it together.  I still wouldn't trade the combined love I have with the both of them.  I feel like I get things from both of them that I wouldn't get from any one person.  The combined things make the struggles we do have worth it.  Plus they love me for me and well, that's just awesome!  <3

Sister wives blog

I've been really bad about blogging lately and for that I apologize.  I've been enjoying life to the best of given ability and spending time with my peeps.  Our life is going pretty smoothly these days.

Earlier today I was poking around the web and came across a Sister Wives blog.  From what I can tell at quick glance it's a site for people who wish to bash the Brown's.  Now I have no real comment in support of the Brown's, but I don't feel the need to bash them either.

I'm consistently blown away by how ignorant some people can be.  How we don't care about the divorce rate in our country but we do care about what other consenting adults want to do.

Anywho, I thought I'd share the blog in case anyone was interested.

http://sisterwivesblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/hln-dr-drew-3-wives-24-children-we-all.html#comment-form

Marriage

I wonder if you can be in a poly-fidelitous and not support gay marriage.  I think the very thought behind accepting gay marriage is that all people should have equal rights.  Well wouldn't all people include people in a poly-fidelitous relationship?  For that matter, wouldn't it include any grouping of people of people who wishes to commit themselves to each other "til death do us part."  

I think I should state here, I actually take marriage very seriously.  I think when you stand in front of your friends and family and make a commitment of "til death do us part" you should honor it.  I'm frankly kinda disgusted by people who marry then divorce, marry then divorce and then yet again marry and divorce.  THEN for those people to have the audacity to look down upon a man who says "I love both of my wives and will care for them."  


Well now, we shouldn't put this all on the man, let me say I love both of my spouses and will commit myself and my life to them "to love to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."  

A friend of mine is going through a pretty rough time right now.  His wife shortly after delivering their twins moved out.  Postpartum depression can be a real bitch sometimes.  A couple of weeks ago (my dates may not be exactly spot on) she delivered another baby by another man.  (She had been out of the house for more than a year give or take)  I adore this friend, I adore his family, I would love to hear stories about how wonderful and grand life is, but sometimes that just doesn't always happen.  Now a lot of people are telling him to end it.  To get a divorce.  He's just not there.  I get why they are saying that, but I think that when you make a commitment you should honor it.  Right? 


That's suppose to be a security that marriage gives you.  Otherwise it is just like dating.  Why even bothered to get married.  At least change your vows to say "until I feel like it is too hard and I want to walk away."  Let's be honest. Let's take a look at Rush Limbaugh.  On his 4th marriage, the longest lasting 10 years.  Why should he get to be married four times but I can't marry once?  I know a former co-worker who has been married three times yet she looks down upon me for my choices.  REALLY?  Well who the fuck is she?!

Good things in life tend never to be very easy to achieve.  I'm working hard for my marriage (yep that's what I called it).  I'm working hard to do the inter-personal work I need to do to be a good partner, to make it last, to learn that when I'm told I'm loved they really mean it.  Not only do they really mean it, but they also believe in forever.  


I just wish I'd have a chance to have that legally documented.  

Sisterwives site, now Polyliving.net

From some this is old news, but not for others.  The sisterwives site that use to be hosted on Yuku can now be found at polyliving.net.  I like the forums much more now.  Plus you can easily sort unread messages!  Be sure to check it out!!

Many Blessings.

Jenne

Homesteading

One of the goals that we have as a family is to ultimately be able to buy land in the country and build a monolithic dome.  Here is a link to monolithic.com in case you want to know more.  They are *so* incredibly energy efficient AND the dome has the ability to stay cooler longer if we lose power.  Living in hot hot Arizona that's a big sell for me.

Anywho....   with this process comes my huge desire to be as self sufficient as possible.  I am a container gardener now (am not able to physically plant in the ground) and hope to expand that as much as possible.

I found a fantastic website that I'm really enjoying.  It's call Common Sense Homesteading.  I'm curious to know if anyone else is homesteading or trying to be more self sufficient?  Any tips, tricks, or goodies you wish to share?

I know this blog is suppose to be about things poly, but I feel this pertains.  As three we have to be extra careful to support ourselves and I think this helps.